LP on film

For those who haven't heard the news: THE ARISTOCRATS records dozens of standup comics, some more famous than others, offering their renditions of the filthiest joke in the world. Apparently, this joke has been shared among comics for generations, but (for reasons that will become apparent to the careful observer) never told on stage. THE ARISTOCRATS presents endless variations on a basic theme. Thesevariations includes every possible profanity, obscenity, crime against nature,etc. There's even a mimed version, and one told by a ventriloquist's dummy.

This movie is strongly recommended for those of you who, like me, are temperamentally irreverent and are not easily shocked. (Three people walked out of the theatre the day I was there, and that's out of twenty or so in attendance.) My own personal high points: Carrie Fisher, Gilbert Gottfried, Mario Cantone (impersonating Liza Minnelli telling the joke), and Bob Saget. The bits are pretty inconsistent, but there are lots and lots of them; if youdon't like that particular comedian, wait thirty seconds.I wish Jack Benny and Milton Berle were around to tell this joke. I hate Jackie Mason, but I wish he'd signed on for this particular project. He'd be good at it.

The best possible remake of this film would subtract Rip Taylor, David Brenner, Rita Rudner, Fred Willard, Bruce Vilanch and several others, and replace them with Rick Santorum, Phyllis Schlafly, Mitt Romney, Jeanine Pirro, PatRobertson, the Rev. Farwell, Bill Frist, and Karl Rove. If it's cosmopolitanism you're after, toss in Kurt Waldheim and Jean Marie le Pen. If you'd like to be nonpartisan about it, then bring on Maxine Waters and Mario Cuomo. Some producer should find a way to compel this.

If that can't work, well, computer generated imaging works wonders.

Les Phillips